Hey hey hey!
How are you?
I’m hoping your answer is ‘great’, because ‘fine’ has become too mainstream.
Was your weekend stress free?
Mine mostly was…
Anyway, today’s word is an interesting one I got after reading about Amnon, David’s son who raped his sister.
There’s something about how God reminds you of things that you thought you’d forgotten. Things that normally wouldn’t fall under your experiences.
After reading and meditating on a lesson from Amnon’s story, I remembered something that happened when I was in Primary school. Or was it Secondary School? I can’t really remember.
Let’s read about Amnon first.
2 Samuel 13:10-12 AMP
Then Amnon said to Tamar, Bring the food here into the bedroom, so I may eat from your hand. So Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the room to Amnon her brother. And when she brought them to him, he took hold of her and said, Come lie with me, my sister. She replied, No, my brother! Do not force and humble me, for no such thing should be done in Israel! Do not do this foolhardy, scandalous thing!
Amnon was attracted to his sister Tamar, but they were both David’s Children. He could have done the right thing by marrying her legally as it wasn’t forbidden then, but couldn’t contain his sexual desires.
He deceived his Father that he wasn’t feeling well so that Tamar would come and take care of him. Then he used that as an opportunity to have his way.
2 Samuel 13:13-15 AMP
And I, how could I rid myself of my shame? And you, you will be [considered] one of the stupid fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray you, speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.
But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that his hatred for her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, Get up and get out!
I was a little confused after reading his story.
How can you love someone so deep and hate them immediately after you’ve seen ‘everything’?
Hmm. I just got another lesson. Why does ‘I love you so much, I will die if you don’t marry/sleep with me‘ quickly become ‘Get out, are you stupid? You this ugly woman/man.‘
How is it that these emotions change so rapidly?
Did Amnon even love Tamar at all, or was it all lust?
What about us?
Do we allow sexual desires ‘scatter’ our heads so much so that we don’t care about what God thinks?
Do we enter into relationships without considering if we’re led by lust or genuine love?
Hmm. Something to think about.
Funny thing is, while preparing to write this, I had no idea I’d delve into relationships.
At the beginning of the post, I talked about how God reminded me about an experience I had as a Child. My friend had gotten a piggy bank as a gift from her parents. It was pink and very ‘modernized’.
I instantly fell in lust with it. I started disturbing my mum and I remember how she told me she couldn’t afford it and I should go and sit my butt somewhere.
It was at her shop and I started wailing like the world had come to an end.
It cost #2000 (Two thousand Naira). That was a lot and it wasn’t that my mum couldn’t get it, she just knew I didn’t need it.
Plus, this was a gift my Land-Lord had given his daughter (my friend). They could afford it well at the time, but it’d have taken my mum extra to buy mine.
I didn’t even bother my dad because he didn’t entertain all that child-like behavior that showed discontentment.
After disturbing my mum week after week, she finally agreed to buy it for me.
And guess what happened immediately I owned it…
I totally hated it!
I’m not even kidding. It looked so good when I saw it with my friend that I wondered what Spirit entered me to buy it. It was pink (I’m not a fan of pink- Sorry Itunu ) and I JUST DIDN’T NEED IT!
But my lust had covered that truth.
That’s exactly what happened to Amnon.
Tamar looked good from afar, but he just couldn’t understand his sudden hate after he raped her.
Well, the answer simply was that he wasn’t supposed to have her in the first place.
Just like how I wasn’t supposed to have that piggy bank in the first place.
A lot of problems arise from the fact that we sometimes try to snatch things from God’s hands.
He says no or later; and it’s like He’s wicked. But He knows better! Way better than we’d ever know.
I would never forget how I tried to snatch admission from His hands. I wanted to get into school the same year as my mates ‘by force, by fire.’
But now that I look back, I’m so thankful!
I want to scream of how thankful I am.
I wouldn’t be the person I am if I had stayed in Ajayi Crowther.
I wouldn’t be the person I am if I had been admitted to University of Ibadan.
I wouldn’t be the person I am if I had been picked in Obafemi Awolowo University.
It makes me so thankful for unanswered prayers. For the times I tried to force God to do things in my life I wasn’t prepared for.
I asked Frances to help edit LETTERS TO OUR FATHERS.
When she was giving me feedback, she asked again if I was sure God was asking me to start with an eBook.
I remembered how God told me ‘DIVINE PROVISION’ in school, and wondered- what’s so divine about an eBook?
Where do I say without doubt that it was God who provided?
Was I ‘forcing’ God to align His will to mine because I was afraid that I’d not get enough to print.
Then He started asking me-
What happens to the men you’re writing it for?
What about the many Nigerian dads that only call with their phones, will your eBook reach them?
Is this about me or your fear?
Is this divine or absolutely normal?
Is this force or faith?
Mahn. It was like a reality slap.
I was Amnon and I didn’t even know it. Falling in love with an idea that I could end up hating.
As I prayed today, God asked me to read Psalm 127 and then I understood…
Psalm 127: 1-2 AMP
EXCEPT THE Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil–for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep.
No need to force things…
And I’m not even talking about writing a book. I’m talking about EVERYTHING.
No need to tell God how you need that thing ‘now now‘, as if He doesn’t know your needs more than you do.
Please, try to read 2 Samuel 13. I’m sure you’d learn a lesson a two like I did from Amnon.
With God, nothing should ever be ‘by fire, by force.’
In what ways are you using force and in what areas?
Do share lessons learned with us. Whether from your past like my piggy bank story or something you’re currently going through.
I’m not saying I’m no longer releasing an ebook o. I’m saying only an ebook does not manifest God’s divine provision.
Have a lovely week ahead.
My birthday is on Sunday and I’m planning a small surprise for you.
No cake, party or anything like that; but a surprise is on it’s way! Whoop.