Hey hey hey!
Haha, it felt so great writing that. If you’re new to the efamily here; ‘hey hey hey’ is like our cult-chant. Ok, not a cult, but you know ‘warramin’.
After work yesterday, I thought about marriage as I walked home late at night. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone and I thought about how I’ll sleep immediately I get to the house. But I already knew I couldn’t do that because my roomie from Uni (sounds so good to say that! Bye bye University!) was around so I couldn’t get home and ignore her.
Then I thought about marriage again.
There will be times when me or my spouse will get home late and not feel like talking about how the day went. Who knows, I sometimes might not feel the ‘love’ and just want to be left alone; and this is something I’ve battled many times this year in my relationship with God.
If asked to describe my 2017 in few sentences; I’ll probably use up the sentences in tears because I’ve had the greatest battlefield of the mind this year and know that I honestly did not win many times.
I woke one day with the phrase “Gate of brass” and found out that it meant fake. Brass looks like gold but is the counterfeit and I knew that God was telling me I wasn’t being real in many areas. We pray for God to strip us bare and create in us a new heart; but mahn, the process is invading.
He invaded me this year and is still doing it. It can be confusing because it sometimes feels like too much to handle; but oh well, I’m still here.
Many times, I fell out of love with God.
And when I say this; I do not say that I did not love Him deep within, but I lost my passion or should I say He took away many of my feelings.
I used to think I had to feel a certain way to follow God.
Feel like praising.
Feel like praying.
Feel like giving.
Feel like loving.
Feel. Feel. Feel.
This year, I did not feel like doing a lot of things; but it did not change the fact that I knew a lot of things (and still learning).
I knew that God was good; regardless.
I knew that I was saved.
I knew that He loved me.
I knew that I loved Him.
But I struggled a lot because of feelings.
Even this morning, I did not feel like praying or thanking or singing; but I did.
Earlier in the year, I focused a lot on spiritual maturity and asked persistently for it; this however does not ‘feel‘ like maturing.
It feels like death on another level; death to the things I had known and held dear.
When I watched this video (below) by Joe Solomon, I instantly understood him and this verse was what kept coming to mind:
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Ephesians 6: 13
For me, ‘having done all, to stand‘ is a sermon on its own.
And that’s what God is calling many of us to do; to learn to stand firm.
Back to the love matter. I think I now understand when couples say that love is not about butterflies in your tummy; because sometimes you will not feel that, but you stay loyal.
I sometimes do not ‘feel‘ like loving unbelievers and that’s one prayer I prayed this morning; for fresh love for those who need the light around me. I don’t mind ditching my feelings abeg.
If it were about that, Jesus might not have gone to the cross; but God’s will was more important to Him than what His body was telling His mind at the Garden of Gethsemane.
So, what do you do when you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with God or a spouse?
…having done all, to stand.
May God reveal what standing means in your own context in Jesus name. Amen.
Love and light,