Sex and Purity.

Hey hey hey!

 

You know I’ve been indicating that God has been setting me up to share stuff about myself that I’d naturally not share.

 

As I was battling early this morning whether I heard God right. I wanted to give myself excuse not to share…

 

Then I ‘mistakenly’ opened the journal I wrote my goals in and my eyes hit “Submit to God. Resist the devil & he will flee from you.”

 

Ok, God, I’m submitting with this post. Sigh. Though, I’d admit, I’m scared. Lol.

 

But I know someone will read this and realize that not having sex doesn’t mean the same thing as purity.

 

Before I ended my last relationship, I’d been telling friends that I was ready to have sex. (I think I was 15+ or 16). That I wasn’t waiting till marriage again.

 

Truth is, I’d already been doing stuff that one should only do with their spouse.

 

Ok, here it goes!

It amazes me now when friends tell me stuff I used to tell them before I got born again.

I was brought up in a Christian home, but not taking God seriously blinded me.

 

Sometimes I’m grateful I’m not one of those people who remembers every single thing that happens in the past. I have a friend who remembers almost everything from secondary school. It’s like an advantage to me really…

 

Ok. So the only two relationships I’ve ever been in weren’t pure. I think I was 15 when I had my first boyfriend & probably 16 when I had the second.

Now that I think about it, I’m dazed!

 

I’m going to be 21 this year and I’ve been single and haven’t been touched or kissed for over 4 years; but doesn’t change the fact that I did some sturvvs…

 

Lol. Can you feel that I’m still stalling to share…

 

I remember one time, I sat with a friend and we were actually doing a ‘mini’ competition of how many boys we’d kissed.

Yeah, I dated just 2, but kissed many more.

 

I was even foolish to think I was ‘doing’ my Ex (still bf then). Just imagine.

 

I started doing rubbish around, cuz I thought I was paying him back. (I thought he was cheating & though I don’t have proof till today, I can bet he was). So, I thought I was paying him back.

 

With my body.

 

Just imagine!

 

This was someone that didn’t even know what I was doing o. So how could I have been paying him back? But that’s what the devil will have me think.

 

I could have even had a mouth disease from the way I was sharing my mouth from one person to the other at that time. I kissed different people in one day & didn’t care.

 

Some thought I cared for them & some knew we were just fooling around with each other. Nothing serious.

 

Side note: I just paused to pray that this will really bless someone who isn’t in too deep. I’m begging God here that this really changes a life, cuz sharing this isn’t easy.

 

Ok. So, when a person says ‘I’m not having sex’, but is doing all what I did, they’re not pure.

 

People tend to think that once it’s not sex, then it’s ok! Well, it’s not. Your body is the temple of the Lord and the Holy Spirit can not live where there’s so much dirt!

 

Before I finally broke up with my second boyfriend, he touched me plenty everywhere & fingered me. (I’m still struggling not to share. God!)

 

I’m guessing you know what being fingered means… It’s when we sisters open our legs for someone to look into our V’s and maybe touch them…

Sigh.

 

I wasn’t having sex, but I wasn’t pure before God.

 

And if I hadn’t stopped dating him at the time I did, I would have had sex with him. No doubt.

 

But God, thank you!!!

 

I guess that’s why I feel the need to speak to girls and let them know that they shouldn’t have sex with a guy just cuz he’s promising heaven & earth; and that even though they might not be having sex, it doesn’t mean they’re pure if they’re allowing a guy touch their breasts and bombom!

 

I have a very close malefriend who used to tease me abt seeing my first bf touch me in ISI (my secondary school), but now he NEVER brings it up!

He’s not born again (yet), but I guess he understands redemption and now respects me for my faith. Cuz I used to get teased abt being born again too.

 

You might look at your past and wonder if people remember…

 

But I tell you, it doesn’t matter anymore!

 

As long as you’re now in Christ, you have such a clean slate that you can’t even begin to imagine it.

 

I’m not saying my ex shouldn’t remember the things we did together, I’m saying even if he does, it can’t affect me anymore. (Especially now that I’ve shared it here. I actually feel a release…I’ve NEVER shared these things with anyone before).

 

Remember how I didn’t know I was holding on this dress, well I guess I can let my past go fully now.

 

I might share as led later, but I think I’ve just outlined my worst former self here.

 

So now, I tell my Christian friends that I’m not kissing (talk less of any nonsense anyhow touch) before marriage, and they look at me like I’m crazy. Very CHRISTIAN friends o.

 

But everyone has their own resolve with God. And this is mine. No form of sexual relation before marriage.

 

Plus, my next bf is my husband sef. Lol! There’s no longer time to be fooling around.

 

And it will not be by my own power. But by God’s grace.

 

And if you’ve been contemplating that you don’t want to kiss before marriage, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like it’s impossible. I know tons of people who have done it (by God’s grace) and now share their story.

 

It will not be easy, but it’s not impossible.

 

So yeah, I’ve just laid it all bare.

 

Not having sex doesn’t mean same as purity o.

 

My friends and I sometimes even joke that what some people who haven’t had sex do, is crazier than what those who have sex do sometimes.

 

Don’t be deceived o.

 

God help us all.

 

As people sometimes joke-

I’m glad God ‘arrested’ me when He did. I’m ever grateful.

 

1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

Flee from sexual immortality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.


 

Please, do share your lessons and thoughts with us! The comment box is smiling & waiting for your response.

 

Can I plead that you also share this with a friend or two, you never know who God will touch with this. Thank you.

 

I was hoping to share some blog (and maybe personal) goals for this year with you guys. I’d do that maybe in another article.

 

Thanks again!

 

Love always,

B.

 

P.S- God said He’d stretch me & take me through not so comfortable routes this year. I guess this is the beginning. I did not wake knowing I will share this today. Oh well!

God, I told you I was ready…

I am!

 

 

20 thoughts on “Sex and Purity.

  1. Sighs heavily*

    My dear, I am short of words…

    But, one thing I can say is that, nothing you said was wrong. Personally, I have never being the one to hide my past from friends. I am sure you know already, I have done some dirty deeds in my past too. I had my first boyfriend when I was 13… You can imagine!

    This is not because I didn’t have a strict parent or brought up right, I definitely had a soilder as a mum and an army as a dad. I was brought up in the best possible way, but still I know in my life, I have dated nothing less than 15 guys… definitely more…

    Funny uh?

    Well, I wouldn’t call it an actual dating, but I just called them my ‘boyfriend’…. I did really screwed up things, not actually had sex with any, but I actually did’ other things ‘. I have been taking advantaged of as a child, or should I say a naive teenager, even by so called’ religious leaders’…

    My point exactly ; I always thought as far as I didn’t have sex, it was OK. But thank God for christ now.

    The first year I went without kissing or touching a guy was like a film trick, but I determined in my heart through God’s help a year ago, that I could do it, and it’s been so far so good.

    The truth as you have clearly stated is, once you have that Peace inside of you, Nothing else matters before God.πŸ˜‚

    Nothing else really matter.

    Whether I see my ex’s or not, it doesn’t matter… Even when they tease me, it doesn’t matter. When I talk about God to them, they be like, ‘no be u?’ but then, it doesn’t matter!

    My dear, I am with you, my next relationship is with my husband, no time for joke any more…

    It takes courage to share this, and I really admire you…
    More grace dear, this is gonna be one stressing year…

    Love,
    DAB

    1. Ore mi of life! Lol.
      Thanks a lot for commenting!

      It’s so true that there’s no more time to waste with ‘joking sturvvs’ kinda relationships. It baffles me when ladies say they know they can’t marry the person they’re currently dating! I always wonder why they are then wasting so much time & energy in that relationship. God help us o!

      Well, it’s beautiful to know that all of us with not so beautiful pasts can be used to God! We dont have to dwell on the past, but on what God’s doing in our lives at the moment. We can only be grateful that He saved us and gave us a new song! We hope that one day, those ex’s will come to the knowledge of God too & realize that life in Him is the only life that is worth it!

      Muah! 😘

  2. Good job Bolaji! Many young people need to know this. I have definitely resolved to not kiss the guy I will marry till I marry him- so help me God! And yes God keeps no record of our pasts no matter how shady they are. He said He’s blotted out our transgressions and has removed our sins from us as far as the East is from the West!

    1. Thanks a lot Toms! It’s beautiful having more & more ladies resolving to not kiss to marriage. It really is encouraging!
      And yes, our God keeps records of no wrongs & it’s a privilege to have a new slate! Praise Jesus!
      Thanks for reading! Do share with friends who you know need to read this too!
      Much love! ❀

  3. What can I say? This is the honest truth. I’ll be fair to say that we think alike. I used to think you’re cool with God so far you don’t have sex.
    I felt sex was a spiritual thing, hence, touching and kissing (which eventually leads to sex) was okay to do.
    I’m not the one with numerous boyfriends. I started dating since I was 16. Fortunately, the guy has been my only boyfriend since then, and I’m almost 21. After a friend shared the link of this post to me, I sent it to him. He read it and smiled and asked me what I wanted. I found myself not saying anything.
    He told me he was fine with it, so far it’ll make me happy.
    I’ve never had sex and he has never asked me for sex.
    The thing is that we’re so used to hugging and kissing and holding for long and he removing my bra and playing with my breasts (I can’t believe I just typed that)
    *sigh
    I’m still struggling to type…..
    Anyways, it happens cos of the outpouring of emotions after not seeing for a while.
    I felt it was okay cos we never had sex before, even though it almost happened, but it never. He’ll always say he can’t do it (because I’m a virgin).
    After reading this article, part of me wanted to change, but I’m so used to it, I feel that I can’t.
    Please help me.

    1. Atinuke dearest! Once I read your comment, what came to mind was- “Once you know better, you do better!” I think that’s the summary to all I have to say.
      Go to God! Allow Him chastise you. He disciplines those He loves. And He’d never hold a wrong against you. You didn’t know that touching & all those extra stuff that aren’t sex were sinful. I’m hoping you now do.

      As for kissing, I honestly can’t stand to say that it’s totally wrong. I think everyone needs to hear what God is saying to them with this. A friend told me God asked her to stop kissing her bf & both of them agreed & set down STRICT rules on how to make that happen to honour God. One of those rules is to not be alone in secluded places so unnecessary things don’t start happening.

      As for touching, my dear. It’s a No No! I know it’d not be easy to stop now, but you can! You & your bf (if you’re both born again, but never knew this was wrong) can go to God in prayer together! NO ONE SHOULD TOUCH OR SEE YOUR BREASTS WHEN THEIR NOT YOUR HUBBY! And I think that’s why you were once close to having sex, cuz foreplay (kissing & touching) ultimately leads to sex!
      Now that you know. I’d be honest with you. I don’t think God will want you to continue to touch. In fact, you might have to NOT KISS again if you really want the no touching to be effective.

      I’ve read abt couples who were aleady even having sex, got to know the Lord & stopped(by grace) till they got married. It’s not impossible to stop kissing & touching till marriage. But a lot of work will have to go into it from both ends if you really want it to work.
      And if your bf cannot wait till marriage to do those things. Sweetheart, I think it’s better you LET HIM GO! Any man who can’t wait to enjoy you only in marriage isn’t for you biko.

      Remember that the whole purpose of this post is to let people know that not having sex doesn’t make one pure. So now that you know better, sis, you’ve got to do better!

  4. Let me just say a little to atinuke… Seriously, you haven’t kissed and touched as much time as I did… I mean, I started kissing since I was 13!

    When I made that vow with God not to date or even come close to a guy for a year, I didn’t know… All I knew was that it was a new years eve, and he kept calling me, but I said to myself, ‘if I start my year like this, I will never be able to resist it throughout the year’…

    So, I switched off my phone and waited patiently for the new year…

    Then I went to God and I said a prayer that sounded a lot like;

    Dear God, I really want to get serious with you this year, I want to get to know you the more, I want to honor with everything I have, including my body. I want to stop kissing, I want to stop dating for a while, until ‘HE’ comes. But I don’t think I can do without dating and the rest of it, but I want to, and I will try, but I need you to help me out…

    Well, that didn’t take the temptation away, it was like a veil was lifted from the faces of guys as they trooped to me. But, I had made up my mind, and every time I almost fell, God always reminded me, he told me I could do it, and I did.

    My point : you need to determine it in your heart first, make sure you mean it… It is either no kidding/touching, or no dating. I knew I hadn’t found ‘Him’ yet, do why joke around.

    Bolaji has said it all dear, but I think it starts from you, and watch as God will take over… One thing I know is that, there is no addiction that God can’t take care of…

    1. Oyinda! How can I thank you!
      Mahn, God bless you for sharing your thoughts with Atinuke!
      We can only pray that God will grant more grace for her and all of us to do His will. Especially concerning our bodies!

      You added another perspective.
      Thanks a lot dear!
      More grace!

  5. Mobolaji! Wonderful, this might be a discussion for the ladies but I believe it is a call to all. its a great work you doing here and i bet it will help change the paradigm of many and also the views of the world as regards ladies who are “close”, indeed there are good ladies out there. I have always been careful of ladies who tells me “i am still a virgin”, I would rather you lived a virgin(pure) life.

    There are 3 Types of Virgins; Primary, Secondary and Tertiary Virgins, this is probably why the line “I am still a Virgin” is usually perceived as just another decent “statement” and not really a sexual “state”, cos It is hard to different some virgins from a lady of the evening. During the yuletide, i had a discussion with an uncle about a lady who said she is still a virgin and he was like “if she is still a virgin, she is good” and i remember saying to him “sir, that assumption is in you time, today if a lady says am still a virgin; just run! as it could be nothing more than a pretentious statement”.

    Sex and purity preaches living right as against the norm of wearing the tag “I AM A VIRGIN” just because it make you look decent, it says; its not about what people see, its about what you see when you stand in front of a mirror, its about being honest with man(everyone), yourself and God. it is not about wishing you haven’t done “stuffs” or the guilt of crossing the line but a call to renew our minds and live in the newness of Christ. Perhaps you are a lady and have crossed the line; you can start afresh, the past is blotted out ones you make a conscious effort, stay in Christ and strive to live a pure life everyday for the rest of your life.

    And to the guys who have always thought virginity and purity is a subject that should only be preached in “Queens college” I join Mobolaji to say “all(both male and female) have sinned and have fall short of His glory, a life of purity is a decision we should all make; it is a sins against your own body and our body is a tool to honour God (1 Cor 6:18-20). I have made my mistakes but have redefine my life and values, there is an height of peace purity pull you into, it is an amazing experience that we should all enjoy.

    There are 2 things i do to help fight the thought/urge when it creeps in (aside praying and asking God for help);
    1. distract: I pick up a book to read or I do strategic/creative thinking; basically invest the time in something productive.
    2. compensate: i compensate myself for staying strong after a specific period(lol), i do movies and other social stuffs that works for me. (i hope this helps)

    Proverbs 31:3 (GNB) “Don’t spend all your energy on sex and all your money on women; they have destroyed kings.”

    MJ

    1. Ahh! How can I say thank you for this comment? It’s a whole new post on its own! Thanks!

      Especially from bringing up struggles from the male perspective. I had to send to a friend sef! God help us all to stay pure!
      God bless! And welcome…

  6. awesome posts & comment i must admit. Wish i can share experiences right now….All same, I’ll say, growing up was mixed. I’ll say the flesh indeed is weak. Whenever I’m with my GF, i tell myself weneva im so close with her that: theres no kissing nor seductive hugging. I’ll sometimes tell her to. Its more of being bold, determined & confident of yourself & what you want. Truth be told, b4 I became a believer, I’ve done tinx in d past. No sex though. Literally walked away from sex scenes at the height of it (leaving the she). The pleasure; emotional attactments; pressure of mates, curiousity of self etc just always play various roles.
    Purity indeed is the aim. Not just Virginity.

    1. Orebz! Thanks for opening up to us here and being real! That’s the whole point- being able to share our stories as believers to help other people.

      We all get tempted o, it’s good that you and your girlfriend have boundaries. May God give you the grace to wait even till marriage, because there is honour in it. God blesses it.

      Well done with walking out on a “close to sex” scene!
      Share your story with other people.

      Thanks Orebz! God bless you.

  7. awesome posts & comment i must admit. Wish i can share experiences right now….All same, I’ll say, growing up was mixed. The flesh indeed is weak, it takes more than the flesh to overcome the flesh. Whenever I’m with my GF, i tell myself weneva im so close with her that: theres no kissing nor seductive hugging. I’ll sometimes tell her to. Its more of being bold, determined & confident of yourself & what you want. Truth be told, b4 I became a believer, I’ve done tinx in d past. No sex though. Literally walked away from sex scenes at the height of it (leaving the she). The pleasure; emotional attactments; pressure of mates, curiousity of self etc just always play various roles here.
    Purity indeed is the aim. Not just Virginity. It is very possible.

  8. It takes a lot of courage for any Africa born and raised child to discuss such a topic. Well I just read this post and i won’t mind sharing my old age story ( lol). You blessed to realised all these at an early age. It took me 28years and several heart breaks for me to get it right. I knew better when i was 25years but i had a lot i was struggling with. After my last serious breakup,i promise God i will stay away from sex but then the devil has been toying with my life since when i was a child like 10years with masturbaton( i didnt know it has name then . I thought it was alright but each time i finished touching myself, I feel this huge guilt and i promise i can hear the devil mocking me. I struggle with this for years. To make it worst i started watching porn and got addicted.My Uncle then has all kind of cds.I will break and trash them after i pleased myself but memory wont go away. So i was priviledge to come to America and bingo free internet to watch and do whatever I like. To make it worst this country encourage porn watching and masturbation. And if you thinking i was masturbating because i didnt want to have sex, you wrong. Because i was ready a pro in that but in the abscent of sex , i go for play. Let me cut my story. God finally delivered me from porn and masturbation 2 years. I lived without sex for 2 years and then the devil strike again, this time i went into the dumbest relationship ever hmm actually 2nd dumbest..lol and I found myself having sex again.. Oh I feel like God was going to take my life each time i do it but my God is mericiful and forgiving. Four months into that relatiionship i ended it. AS In that was the first i eneded one. Normally they leave after getting what they needed and since i was a shareful giver.
    Lol they have no problem getting into my pants. NOw i was not sleeping around with guys but then i believe that once we love each other sex shouldn’t be a problem. So i literally made love with all my exes ( none ended well) ok back to present sha, After i broke from that demonic relationship last year. I told myself i was going back and God saw my sincerity and because i finally listened and left that the relationship when he told to. This year is my purest ever, I am 29years and couldnt be happier. Over a year now and no form of sexual nothing. Looking at my part i wont believe that i can do this. One day i will stand in front thousands to share my story but i am still building my courage . I have never went this deep with my life before, so this is the first time i am actually sharing this. I promise God to testify after my deliverance but i haven’t. So i guess this is a stepping stone. I definetly understand you when you said you struggling about opening up. I believe that me opening up will make you understand that you not alone. There is more to my story but i will pause for now. Keep using your voice to spread his message. God will continue to strength you. Whenever the temptation comes runnnnnnn, as in run like that jamacia guy Usalt bolt πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚and remember the word of God in Romans 12 vs 1-3.
    Ps: ignore any error not a pro like you yet..lol and you can always ask me any question.

    1. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story. This is why I love comments- we get to learn from you and see other perspectives.
      I pray that as God has helped you thus far, He will help you till that final day when we get to see His face in majesty.

      People need to know that God can deliver them from every form of sexual addiction or perversion, but many people do not even admit the problem in the first place. While many think it is normal, so they don’t even ask for help.

      I believe that as you have shared this, God will use your story to encourage other people to know they can also be delivered. It might scare you at first, but as you share, God will continually give boldness- just be led by His Spirit and every other thing will fall in place.

      Again, thank you sooooo much for sharing! I’m sure others will learn from this.

      Love and appreciation,
      Mobolaji.

  9. Twice, I have never feared for my life than ever before. First, she came to visit me and I was alone. Even though, I’d assured hey bae, nothing will happen. Forgerrit o. Something happened that night. We touched and we kissed. Didn’t matter, afterall, no sex. And then a year later, found myself in another relationship. And here was it, had to go stay with her at her house since everyone traveled. Oooooh before then, we kissed and touched, and all. But at night it was different, imagine that Jos cold, that wants you to cuddle, that was it o. Still no sex but this time around something hits me. Yes, I’d been growing as a Christian, but as good as this looks. This is not good. Ahhhhhhhhhh! this is sexual immorality. I was truly ashamed, the sex was almost forgerrit. As Mobolaji has pointed out in this article and the comments here. I have an understanding that there are a lot like me that has gone through the same things or are going through this same thing, and needs God’s help. I still feel sad for every night I let God down. But I know its taken care of, that is why I can also share. God don save me many times no be small. Living deliberately now!

    1. Jos cold. Lol.

      It’s nothing compared to the heat of hell if we continue in sin. I love that you read the comments and that they helped you see that many of us are battling with things, even though we’re born again.
      Pretending will not solve the problem so it’s good to be open and to seek help from the right sources- a trusted mentor and GOD!

      Thank you so much for sharing your testimony with us. May we all live deliberately now that we know the truth in Jesus name. And may we not be deceived by the enemy that sin is ok, because it is not!

      God bless you for reading and spending extra minutes to comment. You’re covered. πŸ’«

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