I can’t deal with myself.
I’m tired as I write this because I just got to school after more than 12 hours on the road. My joints ache, but that isn’t why I’m writing this. This post is basically on how I cannot deal with myself. I need a break from me.
I can say to the world’s standard I might not be very nice, because I tend to say things too bluntly sometimes. However, that is also not what this post is about. It’s about how I can’t deal with myself. I need a break from me.
Ok! The thing is I could be very rude.
Since Jesus came into my life, I can say He has been helping me with this my mouth. But still, sometimes I do not like me very much. Like on my way to Ghana my mum kept calling my roommate’s phone because mine was off. I picked and was very snappy, telling her the sim was roaming and will finish our own credit; that I’d call her when I arrive. I knew she was angry because she just said ‘ok’ and cut the call.
I felt really bad after. So I started speaking to the Holy Spirit on how I really need His help with this my attitude because I did not like it that much. Why can’t I just be nice?
I heard the still small voice say ‘IT TAKES A LIFETIME.’
I like to think myself as being saved. Yes, I am saved but I’m also being saved. Every sigle day of my life.
I know there’s a change because normally I wouldn’t even know that I have an attitude problem and if I did know, I wouldn’t care. This makes me wonder how I was before; and that’s why I love this Jesus that saved me. He helps me see who I really am at heart and helps me as I change. He never condemns and I wonder again how someone can love me soooo much, even when sometimes I don’t like my own self that much.
I’m not perfect, but I serve a perfect God who loves me PERFECTLY.
You might be like me who needs some work with her attitude or yours might be different; and you want God to just clean you so you become perfect.
Let me tell you today that it takes a life time dear!
This is not an excuse to act wrong; it’s simply admitting that you have come to the end of yourself and that you need help from the Holy Spirit.
Now that you know God, He’d work on you and your heart even till death.
If by chance though you don’t know God personally, or you used to but somehow you drifted; I tell you today without an iota of doubt that God loves you. God is real. He loves you more than you’d ever be able to comprehend. He wants to be your friend and hold you when you cry. He wants to laugh with you and discipline you when you do wrong. He wants to be your everything.
Please friend, let God find you. Stop running and go to Him now. He’s waiting!
God is real and He changes the hearts of men. I know this because He’s changing mine.
Plenty Love, Bolaji.
I wrote this post Thursday night immediately after I arrived and really wanted to post it Friday morning, but phone and laptop batteries were low and we didn’t have power supply then. I only pray that it helps you to see that you’re not a horrible being and there’s a God who loves you more than you’d ever understand.
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